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Grief & Funerals

What to do when you can't find the words

4 min read · April 2026

Written by Michelle Flares · the team behind hundreds of personalised eulogies

The blank page is one of the cruelest parts of grief. You have so much to say, and nothing comes. This is completely normal — and here is what actually helps.

You have been asked to speak. Or you have decided to speak. And now you are sitting with a blank page, a head full of memories, and absolutely no idea how to begin. Every sentence you try feels inadequate. Every word feels like a betrayal of how much this person meant.

This is one of the most common experiences people have when trying to write a eulogy. And it has a name: grief block. Understanding why it happens makes it easier to move through it — and there are several practical, low-pressure ways out of it that don't require you to feel ready or composed before you start.

Why grief makes writing so hard

When we are in acute grief, the part of the brain responsible for language and linear thinking — the prefrontal cortex — is flooded by the emotional brain. We feel everything at once, but we cannot organise it into sentences. This is not a failure of love or ability. It is a completely normal neurological response to profound loss.

The blank page feels impossible not because you have nothing to say — but because you have too much, and no way to hold it all at once. The cursor blinking, or the empty line waiting on a notepad, becomes another small grief of its own: proof, it seems, that you can't even do this one last thing for them.

That feeling is not evidence of failure. It's a sign that your mind is doing exactly what grieving minds do — and it tends to ease the moment you stop trying to write a "speech" and start trying to remember.

"You are not failing to write a eulogy. You are grieving. Those are two completely different things."

What actually helps

Start by talking, not writing

The written word can feel impossibly formal when you are in grief. Try speaking instead. Call someone who knew them and just talk. Let memories surface without trying to shape them. Record the conversation on your phone. You will often find that what you say in those unguarded moments is more true and more moving than anything you could have constructed at a desk.

Answer specific questions instead of writing a speech

The problem with "write a eulogy" as a task is that it is too large. Break it into smaller questions:

• What is one specific memory that makes you smile when you think of them?
• What did they always say — a phrase, a piece of advice, a joke they told too often?
• What will you miss most — not the grand things, but the small ordinary ones?
• What did they teach you, in words or just by example?
• What would you want them to know, if you could say one more thing?

Answer each question in a few sentences. You now have the raw material for a eulogy.

Write a letter instead

Some people find that removing the audience makes the words easier to find. Try writing a letter to the person who has died — not a speech, just a private letter. Say what you would have said if you had more time. What you miss. What you are grateful for. What you wish you had told them.

Often, when you read it back, you will find that a eulogy is already there — just waiting to be shared.

Give yourself permission to be imperfect

Many people are paralysed by the fear that whatever they write will not be good enough. That it will not do justice to this person. That they will say the wrong thing, or leave something important out, or break down in the middle.

Here is what is true: a eulogy delivered imperfectly, with tears and pauses and words that feel inadequate — is still a eulogy. And the room will not be measuring your performance. They will be grateful that you stood up at all.

It can also help to lower the bar deliberately. Tell yourself you only need to write something true, not something beautiful. A first draft is allowed to be rough, repetitive, even a little disorganised — that's what editing is for, and editing is far easier than starting from nothing.

Ask for help — or let someone else write it

There is no rule that says you must write a eulogy alone. Ask a sibling, a close friend, or another family member to sit with you and help shape your memories into words. Sometimes what you need is not a blank page but a conversation.

And if the grief is simply too great — if the thought of writing is genuinely beyond you right now — it is completely acceptable to ask someone else to write it on your behalf. What matters is that the speech is true, personal, and delivered with love. Not who put the words on the page.

Frequently asked questions

Why can't I find the words to write a eulogy?

Grief itself makes writing difficult. When we are in acute loss, the part of the brain responsible for language and linear thinking is overwhelmed by emotion. The inability to write is not a failure — it is a completely normal response to profound loss.

What should I do if I can't write a eulogy in time?

You have several options: ask a trusted friend or family member to help you write it, use prompts or questions to unlock your memories, or use a professional eulogy writing service that can deliver a personalised speech within hours.

Is it okay to ask someone else to write a eulogy for you?

Absolutely. There is no rule that says you must write it yourself. What matters is that the eulogy is true, personal, and delivered with love — not who put the words on the page.

What are some prompts to help start writing a eulogy?

Try these: What is one specific memory that makes you smile? What did they always say? What will you miss most — not the grand things, but the small ordinary ones? What did they teach you, in words or just by example? What would you want them to know?